Control Freaks Anonymous

Recently I took in a Tigers game with my family and friends visiting from Washington. I was taking Kyrie to the bathroom when we encountered women in various stages of drunkenness. She handled it fine; my reaction was to feel sadness, disgust, and also to realize that I am too much of a control freak to ever be a drunk.

Applaud me for natural childbirth. Yes, I'm tough. But no, actually, I hate losing control.

I've repeatedly dismissed having someone clean my house because I couldn't bear to have a stranger come in to my mess and do it their way.

I'm a piece of work.

And Lent is always a time when I get smacked upside-the-head with my issues. If I try to give something up or do something different, I falter. I like my routines. I like my way.

So this year, I've spent the better part of Lent sick or in pain. I've had two bouts of some kind of virus, the most recent being a debilitating sinus infection that requires medication to function. (Oh, I hate medication...did I mention that?) Throw in some bizarre shoulder injury that feels like I threw one too many fastpitch balls; only I did absolutely nothing of the sort. I cannot lift with my left side, I can barely dress, and I shriek in pain if I'm touched. This is not the preferred form of me.

This morning, my husband gently asked if I was any better. I didn't want to answer...No, not really. He left and I faced the morning. I wanted to cry. And then this thought came to me (probably, a God-thing): "At least you don't have to lift your babies today." Thank you God that my children are old enough to not be carried today.

I looked at all that needed to be done. Breakfast. Kyrie made sure Everleigh was fed. Laundry. Ben picked up the piles and put a load in the washer, taking great delight in pushing the buttons and adding the soap. Lunch. I guided but they did the heavy lifting.

I'm not cured. I'm still in control of this operation. I hope I get to be a functioning human being again. But today, perhaps, it was time to remember that I'm not really in control. And I need a little help. Or a lot.