John 3:17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. (KJV)
Luke 6:37 Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. (NIV)
I walked out of church last week to the steady gaze of my pastor looking me in the eye, giving me a hug and saying "Don't condemn anyone." He's nice that way. He is a great guy to have lunch with, but when I walk out of church I usually feel really overwhelmed with God's love and my lack of it.
I was struck by it then and thought I knew what that message was to me (and to every parishioner...I'm not that special). But it set off a firestorm of a week that left me exhausted and humbled.
First of all, I found myself making some pretty condemning statements about a few people. Worse, as I said them I realized they were a mild version of what I was thinking. But that was minor compared to the realization that I had some buried animosity towards a group of people of people that condemned me (unjustly) long ago. And turns out that the more I thought about it, the more I realized that my judgement of people today was based on their similarities to those who judged me so long ago. And that I eschew relationships with anyone who bears a resemblance to anyone who has hurt me in the past.
This dust I uncovered was not fun. Behind it was the lie I live behind that I am both tough and forgiving. For years, I have believed that since I knew the condemnation was a lie at the time that it couldn't have hurt me. And I'm really not excited to find myself so vulnerable. This is the kind of thing that terrifies me about Lent, an intentional time of spiritual Spring Cleaning. And why it is absolutely vital that I participate in it in a church community that shines the light on some places where I am inclined not to look.
2 comments:
This is a powerful testamentary. Forgiveness sounds like a simple idea; but when applied it is a complex reality.
It is powerful to realize how stuff from the past can affect totally different individuals in the present.
Many Soldiers, including myself, sometimes find it difficult to deal with particular groups of people that represent those who injured us and tried to kill us. It can be difficult to forgive with the specific individual is not known or unreachable.
God bless you Lenten journey.
David+
Very good point. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out the balance between forgiveness and boundaries. It's one thing to hold a grudge against those who hurt you, and all those similar; and another to keep your distance from people who repeatedly hurt you. I'm not sure I have it figured out yet. But your post gives lots to ponder.
-- SJ
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