"To see both clearly the life we are made for and, at the same time, to have to deal with the selfish desires and petty preferences of people where we are is, indeed, agonizing...."-Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove, The Wisdom of Stability
I am not by nature a "stable" person. I'm not referring to my mental state, though at times that can be true too. But the words "bind my wandering heart to thee" have always felt written just for me. "Prone to wander" I am, not into the seedy section of town, but away, away from anything that causes me to get too uncomfortable or to stick with people who are problematic. Even God, when He up and gets demanding.
Fortunately I married Mr. Stable. In his early 30s, he has already doubled the number of years I ever stayed at one job. And since I hitched my cart to his wagon, I've found myself living in one community now for 6 years. I itch to leave seasonally, but now I found my name on a mortgage and I'm realizing I may actually live here for the rest of my life. (Or maybe not. Because writing that last statement made my skin crawl.) I'm just not cut out for stability.
My dad often takes the blame for this. In retrospect I know he wishes he hadn't moved us around so often, something my mother and I have never lamented. We both seem to have a little gypsy in us and we both shudder to think we could have remained in the town I was born in. (A nice place but....Well, we both liked a lot of the places we lived after that.)
It is interesting how attracted I was to the title of this book, The Wisdom of Stability
. Perhaps I was trying to find the good in my increasingly stable life or at least make peace with it. Maybe I recognized the need to be more stable in my relationships with God and some of the people He's placed in my life (for reasons I am not entirely sure of at times). Maybe I wanted to probe why the one thing I struggled with most was leaving an unhealthy church situation that I really did not want to leave and knew I had to. For all those reasons and more I read this book. And found many good reasons why God is using this season of stability to stretch me in ways that are uncomfortable and even painful, but have caused me to change and grow in ways I needed to.
Whether it is accepting the literal seasons (or lack thereof) of this climate I live in, or the figurative seasons that are new and changing, but not quite new and changing enough sometimes, I found great value in this book. And much to think on.
"Stability is a commitment to trust God not in an ideal world, but...here among the people whose troubles are already evident to us." Well, if I have to.
3 comments:
I wrote a good long comment, and Blogger ate it. Hope I can find the time to rewrite it soon. Blah.
-- SJ
wanderlust: one thing you have always struggled with and now you are (mostly) dealing with it. Home mortgage: remember it is a good thing. I could just see you shaking your head and seeing goose bumps on your arms as you thought about living in one place too long!
Judy
The way you feel about stability is the way I feel about wanderlust: the idea of moving place to place makes me unhappy and insecure. So I like reading your side of things because it's so very different from mine.
I still regard myself as a newcomer in this area because I've lived here "only" eight and a half years. I'd love it if God would just tell me that, yes, I'll be here the rest of my life. Thanks! So while you resign yourself to stability and a mortgage, I'll come howling to you for perspective when God wants me to get up and go somewhere new.
-- SJ
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