from the mom
Long ago in my single years I made a mental list of those qualities I found to be necessary in a potential spouse. My list was not very detailed (unlike a certain family member whose list is very specific) but it did have the important things like: must love Jesus, kind, intelligent, likes children, younger than my father, older than my brother (I compromised on that one), sense of humor.
Five years into married life, I have a few more things I would recommend that my single friends consider. I'm fortunate to have found a mate who has excelled in these things, qualities I didn't even know I needed until I did:
Will he/she help with diapers? Limits on what kinds? (If I use non-disposables I'm on my own.)
Will he/she still greet dinner with a smile when you've had some variation of pasta five nights in a row?
How will he/she react when you say you're "too tired" to cook?
Does he/she plan to participate in the potty-training process? What kind of terminology is acceptable? (Nothing sends M out of a room as fast as reading a book about the potty.)
Will you still love me when you discover how slowly I clean house? And how tired it makes me?
Will he/she come home after a long day at work, take one look at your exhausted face and tell you to go do something for yourself?
Will he/she get out of bed at 4am when you've already been up twice and you're so tired you aren't sure who you are and what that horrible shriek is coming from the other room?
Will he/she be able to manage the balance of encouraging you to work out and not eat that bowl of ice cream while seeming to never notice that you haven't dropped 25 of those baby pounds?
Will you hold my hold (or let me grip your arm) when we watch 24 together?
I'm sure I could think of more given time.... Perhaps you married people have others. And probably you single people don't really want to think about any other tests for a sparse field of candidates to pass.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Things To Look For in A Spouse
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9 comments:
It's hard to believe how opposite "certain family members" can be =). I'm pretty sure NONE of the things on your list are top on his. On another note, I'm sad I won't be able to hang out with you guys this weekend.
The list was great! I would add "Compliments you on your appearance even after you haven't had a shower in three days."
Rachelle,
I think I can say "yes" to most of those questions- maybe that's why we are still very much in love after 21 1/2 years (and still going).
Wish we were closer so I could give you a hug.
~Becky
By the way- I did not post this at 6 am my time. The comments section automatically adds the time stamp for PST and I'm on EST. :)
In advising my brother who is considering marriage, two big ones to me have been agreeing on 1)where you want to live/where you will not live and 2) birth control issues. When I have kids, I'm sure I'll have some more for single folks to think about. :)
Are you comfortable with your spouse blogging profusely about potty moments?
Are you comfortable picking up potty book after potty book from the library and having everyone look at you a little strange?
Are you okay with your children eventually watching potty tutorial DVDs and having the insane songs run through your head all day at work?
I think, after reading Ben's dad's
comments, that you need to add a good sense of humor to the list of attributes that Ben's mom found in her mate.
Judy
So true. Some things that I knew were important before I got married did indeed pan out, but so many of them fell by the wayside and I don't even think of them any more. Instead, I am blessed by a whole litany of good qualities that I never would have thought to look for. God knows best, as always.
I famously wrote out a list of twenty-one requirements. I starred the required items. Darren fit twenty of them (he doesn't have dark hair and green eyes).
Others I didn't know to include:
* Does your spouse understand that sleep is absolutely as important as food, and without sleep you turn into a dark-tinged weepy fatalist?
* Does he laugh at your jokes? Do you laugh at his?
* Do you both understand that sitting on opposite ends of the couch, reading separate books but playing footsie, is considered relationship-building?
* Does he treat your emotional crises with sympathy, even though he knows they're like a rainstorm and will clear away in an hour or so?
* Notices when your hair looks nice, and is struck blind when it doesn't.
I loved the "never notices that you haven't lost the 25 pounds..."
I advised my niece recently that before she decides on how many children she wants and what to name them, she should concentrate on choosing a really good daddy for them.
-- SJ
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