Thoughts on My Occupation

from the mom

This post and this one on motherhood and the upcoming Mother's Day holiday have converged to inspire me to share my thoughts on my current occupation.

First let me say that my natural temperament is melancholy with a healthy dose of choleric. (That makes me sound like so much fun!) I want my world to be ordered, I want to be in control, and when anything is off from my expectations, I tend to get depressed. (Fun, fun!)

Motherhood is my chosen occupation. It wasn't the job description that caused me to sign on; it was the people I get to work with, the lifelong benefits, and the sense of doing something really important. After all, I could be filing, scheduling appointments, teaching a class on the Northern Ireland conflict or answering questions about the size of dorm rooms. Instead I am molding and shaping two human beings. Hopefully I am instilling in them a sense of what's important and guiding them to find their gifts and sense of purpose.

But often I do complain. In my former work life there were coworkers whose minds I couldn't change, whose actions I couldn't control. But they were adults. Now I am dealing with small children. I have a son who can't really articulate well but manages to argue with me sans language, and get his point across pretty well. He has me reading all the James Dobson books I can get my hands on.

I am a low energy person. A lot of activity makes me tired. Toddlers and preschoolers make me really tired. I found babysitting exhausting. Throw in that many of my contemporaries started this job in their 20s and I am in my mid-30s and I have reason to be a little weary some days.

I have high expectations. I want to cook healthy, interesting, tasty meals. I want to keep my house clean. I want to stay on top of our finances. And educate my children. It is hard to meet my personal standards in all these areas. Recently I decided my standard of a clean house was the least important of these things and I've made a decision to lower it until my kids are olders and less physically demanding. Then I can vacuum and scrub floors weekly. Right now I have the opportunity to spend time with two fabulous human beings who will one day go off and leave me to follow their own callings. Then I can clean the house and hope they will call me on Mother's Day. If I put them first now, the likelihood they'll remember me later rises exponentially.

I love my job. But like any job, it has hard days. And when new mothers get started in their new occupation, I want them to know it isn't all glory and glamour. Like marriage, it takes real work. It takes the denial of self. Some days it is bone-achingly monotonous. Other days there is more drama than you feel equipped for. For us, it has been trips to the ER and locking your self out of the house (with the kids inside). For friends it has been watching your toddler battle a life-threatening illness or the untimely death of the very one you have thrown all your energy into raising.

So it is hard. You don't do it because it is FUN. (Even though it often is.) You do it because it has purpose. Because it is your purpose. Because someday when you look back on your life, you'll be most proud of your family. And when your children speak of you at your funeral, you hope they'll remember the lessons you taught them, the games you played with them, and the vacations you took. They probably won't mention that you kept the toilets cleaned and the refrigerator spotless.

When I talk with mothers of older children, they reflect nostalgically on when their children were babies, toddlers, preschoolers. Forgotten is the sleep deprivation, the endless rounds of diapers, the scares on the playground equipment. Those are my day-to-day, but they don't define this work. New mothers need to vent about the little things and we also need to keep the larger goals in perspective.

I am doing exactly what I want to be doing. Right here. Right now. And I love it.