from Ben's mom
Ben's behavior has spiraled down into the pit and I now have one of "those" toddlers. You know!? The kind I would never have because we are too good of parents. The kind who run the other way when they are called, who touch everything in the store, and who go limp when you take their hand to guide them to their better self.
The worst part is that it is nearly all when we are out in public. And then it is generally when my hands are full. As he proceeds to have a fit and I grab his little hand with one arm full of merchandise or mail or whatever and suddenly I'm one of those parents who holds their child by one arm, looking like they are attempting to break it when in fact they are only trying to keep the child from going completely ballistic and destroying something breakable in the vicinity.
When Ben was an infant I knew what to do about this stuff. The book said to stay home for 2 weeks and spank them every time they disobeyed. And voila! It would be all good. The problem is we rarely do go anywhere and it is when we do that this behavior occurs. Just when I think we are all good, we go to the grocery store and I watch helplessly as the beast returns. Who is this boy?
The "book" also failed to mention that this behavior might happen when you are in the first trimester, exhausted, feeling sick and not really in top form for constant combat. (And I KNOW it isn't supposed to be combat, but you parents know that is exactly what it feels like.)
The father gets much further and treated with more respect, but even he is frustrated. We have no desire to spank our child in public, both for his self-respect (what should be a private disciplinary measure) and because we don't want the anti-spankers to freak out. And we don't love spanking. Ben usually gets put in his bed at home to get some "rest" for his tired behavior. But that doesn't work when you are out in public either.
Today I am facing life as a single parent for three days and so I am getting tougher. We are really trying to stick to the first strike, you're out approach, because I don't have the energy for three. Wish me luck.
3 comments:
i remember thinking that people with unruly children simply didn't know how to discipline... after spanking Erin 7 or 8 times in one day for turning the TV on and off, i have definitely fallen off my high horse.
Good luck! We're not there yet, but I'm sure we will be sooner or later with someone.
In the abstract, I'd much rather have a child with spunk and courage who pushed the limits than one who was automatically meek and compliant. In the concrete, I'm sure I will wish for anything else.
I knew a lot more about raising kids before I had any.
Especially while M is gone, crack down hard! In my experience, it usually takes only a few days before crackee gets the point, if only temporarily. Then you can go back to sending him to his bed. :) (We send them to their rooms, which worked fine until Stuart started refusing to go.)
Lots of sympathy from this side of the country -- Daddy is gone for four days, and I'm dreading Sunday morning church.
-- SJ
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