from Ben's mom
The news came yesterday that my grandpa had fallen and broken his femur and then this morning that he had a heart attack last night and his kidneys were failing. While the word is "not yet" there is a sense among us that the inevitable is approaching and sooner rather than later.
If you're a "Bigger" you are feeling things in a big way. While our memories are different, our perspectives unique, we are united in our love for this man who is a large part of who we are. My grandpa is a man who has had his priorities right as long as I have known him (and from what the stories suggest as far back as any of us remember). From before I could articulate thoughts, I knew that his faith and his family were the two looming things in his life. He had a successful career, he loved to travel, he loved things with wheels (motorcycles, trains, automobiles), and he enjoyed a good nature program more than anyone I know. But it was his children, his grandchildren, and his God that motivated him.
As I witness the love my son has for his grandparents and the special bond that they share, I can't help but reflect on the heritage my grandparents gave me. My grandparents adore each other. They have ALWAYS modeled a marriage that truly fulfills the critical calling of reflecting Christ and His love for His church. My grandpa made sure we all knew that he had loved my grandmother since they were 14 and that his love had never wavered. (When I was a little older, I was filled in on the "break" they had taken in their teens...which only helped me realize that ALL relationships take work.) I can remember the impact it had on me to watch my grandpa kissing my grandma and telling us how beautiful she was. Their love story was a fairy tale grounded in reality. They had faced hard times: health, finances, heartbreak and loss. But they did it together. And they held on to an eternal perspective that centered their lives.
In my late teens and throughout my 20's, my grandpa was very concerned that I hadn't settled on someone and married. At times it was hard because I so hated to disappoint him. But I was confident in his love. And his example, in teaching me the importance of family, conveyed to me the belief that whom I would marry was critical to the kind of family I would have. The boys in my life back then were usually not worthy to join a family of men like my grandpa, father, and uncles. Yes, I was "awfully picky" as Grandpa would say.... And I think we are all glad. When my (now) husband appeared on the scene, one of the first things that I noticed was the priority he made family. A little more research and I confirmed that he held the same traits that made me admire my father and grandfather. As I said at my wedding, "I finally found a man that would love me the way my grandpa loved my grandma and that I could respect the way she respected him."
Both of my grandparents have that stalwart sense of duty that so marks the WWII generation. They have taught me immensely, through stories and example. They make history come alive and rather than tell us how to live, they show us.
Grandpa doesn't talk a lot about his faith. He wears it on his face. He lives it. He is kind and forgiving. He lights up when we sing a hymn at church. He speaks well of people or remains silent. He is honest and he is good. Only once (that I remember) have we talked about faith directly, but I have never doubted its importance to him. It is the air in the room.
As a little girl, I remember sitting on Grandpa's lap. I would get so squirmy but I would do my best to sit still because I didn't want to leave that place. I outgrew my grandpa's lap a long time ago. But I have never left it in my heart.
10 comments:
This is a beautiful post and your grandfather sounds like a wonderful man. I'm sorry it looks like you're facing a goodbye. My own grandfather left me with many warm memories, and I still miss him. Thanks for reminding me to stop and relive some fond memories.
-- SJ
One of the things that I loved about Grandpa is that his love for his family was shown through values instead of rules.
He valued God, family, and his friends and he spent his time accordingly. Always up for a good time, he shared those good times with the ones he loved.
He was loyal to family and friends, even when (and particularly friends) other people would have questioned their loyalty to him.
I will always remember the summer when Jeff, Jon, and I were able to stay with Grandma and Grandpa for a time. He took us camping on the Rogue, to the beach, and let us hold onto the back of the pick up truck and skateboard.
He took enjoyed our fun as much as we did. He always seem to get just a little bit more out of life than one human should be allowed to have because he was able to live a little more vicariously through his family and friends.
That quality made me feel valued. I loved him for it.
I still do.
No matter what happens, Grandpa will be with me in some way. The things he taught stand the test of time. The impact he made on an admiring grandson will remain as long as I have life.
The heritage of a righteous man is passed on to his children and his children's children.
We have been blessed.
Rachelle, that was beautiful, and I'll be thinking of your family as you await the news of his graduation to Heaven. And yet even as you may be entering a period of mourning, how amazing to realize that your grandfather will be standing before the One he taught you to love, and hearing for himself the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant."
My thoughts and prayers are with you all as I, too face the impending loss of a dear friend and ailing grandparents. Your beautiful post made me thank God, yet again, for every moment of every day we have together.
Your grandpa is my father-in-law, and along with your grandma, they have been a huge influence on my life. I remember wanting to tell your Grandma that a few years ago, so I called her and tried to tell her how very important she was to me, and she said something like did I think she was going to die right away. Well, I hoped not then, and I'm praying that it's not the time to lose your Grandpa either, as they have been such an incredible blessing. Their unconditional love and lack of judgmentalism has set an example. I also think they have a great deal to do with the fact that I love babies and young children, as I learned that about them early on.
I have memories that I'd like to share, but I'm too tired to think clearly at this point.. But, if they do read this blog, I want to say "thank you, Mom and Dad Bigger, for being role models of Christ's love all through your life. I love you!"
Ben's Grandma
Rachelle - Very touching words about your grandfather. You have been very blessed to have such a great family legacy of love and faith.
We will keep him in our prayers. Please keep us updated!
Love,
Amy
My prayers are with your grandpa and your family.
Rachelle and family, my thoughts and prayers are with you. You were blessed with a wonderful, loving family. Your words touched me and reminded me to call my parents this week-end. I saw Kristi and family today and will let them know the situation. I love you. Judy
What a loving tribute to a godly man. So many young people today have forgotten, if they ever knew at all, the sacrificial mindset and servant hearts that your grandpa's (and my father's) generation had. They were "real men" who kept their commitments, honored their wives and children, loved their country and served their fellow man without expecting anything in return. I know that a lot of who I am today is because of the example I saw in my own father.
Often times young people don't take the time to make those special kinds of memories like you did. More grandchildren should put their busy lives aside for just a few moments and create memories with their grandparents that will last a lifetime. So much can be learned by just "sitting at their feet". And what a legacy of love to pass on to their own children.
There is a poem written by Linda Ellis called "The Dash". Contained within this poem are these stanzas:
"I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning...to the end.
He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth...
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own;
the cars....the house...the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash."
When I leave this world (and should I have grandchildren when I do), I want to be known as a grandma who had a steadfast faith in God, one who loved Jesus and found Him to be MORE than enough for every need, and a woman who served others out of a heart of gratefulness to the One Who taught us all how to serve. No greater tribute to my "dash" than to be known like this.
Thank you for sharing about your grandfather and may the Lord give you comfort at this time.
Mrs. C.
In response to Mrs. C's posting, I would like to see the grandparents initiate more of the memory making. The one memory that was shared by three of the grandson's (and which a couple of them mentioned in the service for my wonderful father-in-law) was of a camping trip that they had gone on. I remember making the appeal to my in-laws that summer to please include these grandsons in their summer plans that year in order to make some memories. In listening, I wish I had of appealed more, as growing up without grandparents, I have no like memories with which to identify.
Marty Bigger
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