How To Be A Good Grandpa and Other Lessons

from Ben's mom

This is similar to the eulogy my cousins and I gave yesterday at Grandpa's funeral. I've added in a few more of my stories, and some of theirs were ad-lib and not here. For the prayers, comments, and emails--thank you.

My cousin Noelle and I got to tell my grandpa Friday that he was the best grandpa ever.

Here are some of the reasons why:

Grandpa took time to pay attention to our personal interests. My cousin Scott remembers the 6th grade science project that Grandpa helped with. He was building a telegraph and Grandpa took him to the hardware store to find the parts he needed. When it came time to pay and Scott produced the money his mom had given him to use, Grandpa told him to keep it and spend it on something else and he paid for it.

He knew that girls needed to be told they were pretty. He didn't even have to tell us sometimes; he would just flash us that special grandpa-smile when he saw us and I'm sure each of us were convinced he thought us the prettiest girl in the room.

Grandpa loved planes, trains, automobiles, and motorcycles. All of us who call him Grandpa remember the motorcycle rides. Close our eyes and we can remember holding on tight on the back. Enamored with the experience, I decided I wanted to take up the hobby. He started talking about selling his yellow Honda '90 when I was in my early teens. And I declared my intention of buying it when I turned 16. It sat in his garage until shortly before my 16th birthday when it disappeared. I remember stating my disappointment to Grandma, and wondering why after years of it just sitting there, he sold it right before I was old enough to buy it. Grandma responded with, "Do you think that's a coincidence young lady?" He was a modern man for his day, but he didn't want his girls driving dangerous motorcycles.

His boys, however.... Well, that was a different matter. Jon, inherited Grandpa's love of motorcycles. He remembers driving down to Medford on his own motorcycle to go out riding with Grandpa. After a particularly nice ride, when he learned that Grandpa could corner particularly well, they came home to Grandma's question: "You didn't go over 55, did you?" "Oh no," Grandpa said. Grandma, Jon can no longer carry the burden of guilt. But he doesn't think they went much over 75.

Grandpa owned a share of a private plane for years and he loved taking us places. I remember flying to an airshow with him, and even today, on a small plane when a seatmate gets nervous about air pockets, I have him to thank that they don't bother me. Because, we always felt safe with Grandpa.

He taught us so many lessons. As a teen I sought relational advice from Grandpa. A boy liked me and I didn't feel the same, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He told me that I could hurt him now or hurt him later, but if it were him, he would rather not get led along if I wasn't interested. That advice came in handy for a lot of years. Too long, in Grandpa's mind.

Grandpa had a triple bypass my freshman year of college. I was in southern California trying to take a test while he was in surgery, praying, praying. He didn't recover too quickly; in fact, he was never quite the same. When he was miserable, he threatened to die on us. I struck a deal with him that year: I told him if he would give me 10 more years, I would do my part to find a husband and give him a great-grandchild. I didn't keep my end of the deal; I'm thankful that he granted me an extension and gave me 15. And he was there at my wedding, and my son Ben called him "Grandpa" just a few days ago.

Grandpa and Grandma never missed our occasions. They made it for every baptism, every graduation, even those ones that now seem a little insignificant. They surprised my cousin Noelle in Charlotte, N. Carolina for her 8th grade graduation. They attended seven high school graduations; five college graduations and; have proudly watched as one granddaughter received her Masters in Social Work, and a grandson earned his Juris Doctorate. Do you think we found their attendance motivating?

Even at the end, he still taught us. He had the ability to laugh at himself, even as his mind became a little fuzzy and he would fall asleep in the middle of, well, just about anything. Not too many days ago, my cousin Hilary asked: "How are you feeling Grandpa 'cause you're looking pretty good?" He answered: "Yep. I'm good-looking alright." And he was. Even as his vigor left, his sense of humor never went away.

I think we all hope we inherited Grandpa's hearing. His ears were amazing. I remember whispering about him softly when we thought he was asleep across the room, only to have him pipe up: "Don't talk about me like I'm dead. I can still hear you."

Well, Grandpa. We still hear you too.