The Introverted Parent

I guard the edges of my day. Guard them. Like a bulldog.

I am blessed to have a husband who helps with the night edges (while guarding his own edges). My children have learned that their mornings can be relatively mama-free if they play their cards right and we are all happy. Usually.

Today Evie woke up and wanted breakfast early. It was the weekend, a time I normally get help. I let her know. Hey, it's Saturday and it's early. You can play quietly for awhile and I will get up in a little bit.

It isn't just about sleep. It is about the quiet and alone time with which I gird myself before...spending time with the people I love most in the world.

Often Kyrie will enter my room tentatively and ask "Mom, have you had your quiet time yet?" Because God forbid, she has learned that I'm a much nicer mama if I have.

A tumultuous couple of days led me to realize how introverted two of my children were. We had three extra kids for five hours and Ben came to me and asked "How much longer will they be here?" They are great kids and my kids love them. But Ben's people minutes were up. Evie is the same and recently I've noted that her conflicts with Kyrie seem to arise when she hasn't been able to be alone for awhile.

I spoke to Kyrie this week as she wept. She was people-needy and had gone from me, to Evie, to Ben and been rejected by all of us. She couldn't get it. She wanted to interact. We all wanted to retreat.  I finally took her aside and explained introverts and extroverts and then broke it to her that she was the only extrovert among us. She was the one who wanted to play with the neighbor kids EVERY day. She typically answers the phone. She can't get enough of outings. She cried harder and said, "What's wrong with me?" And I explained to her that it was RIGHT. That I needed one person who was happy when the doorbell rang and cared that the phone was ringing. I thanked her for helping me handle these things that are so difficult for me.

A few days later I'm wondering why I couldn't have had this conversation with her much earlier. She has approached me differently since then, respecting my space and asking if she could be with me. I have also noted that she hates to be alone when she is working on something. I've put her next to me while she does her math, an activity that I preferred to work alone on. She does much better with me right there even if I'm doing something else and just checking on her and touching her from time to time.

Today Everleigh was near hysteria and I quietly said, "Kyrie, she needs to be alone. Give her some space." Kyrie backed off and was amazed at the result. A little time alone and Ev was ready to be with her sister again and re-engage with the world.

There is so much navigating to do here. Introverts have to learn to live outside their comfort zones and extroverts need to learn to be alone. And introverted mamas have to get up with infants and toddlers in the brand-new morning and they have to put them to bed at night too. I'm grateful to be in a season where there is the option to say "You must wait." I wish I had known this day would come when I thought I couldn't survive those all-consuming years.

But right now I'm thankful for a child, so very different than me, and for the understanding that has happened for both us recently that have made us both appreciate the other in whole new ways.