Oh the Precious Ones

I have been working a lot lately. A lot at least for the expectations I place on myself and my home life.

I think all women are subject to giant invasions of guilt no matter what they do. No matter if they have to work, choose to work, or don't work outside the home.

I know the difference between being with my kids (which I am) and being present with my kids (not so much). And trying to find some kind of balance since we can't be "present" with them ALL the time. Any of us.

The last two weeks I have lost sleep wondering if I was a horrible mother.

Fortunately, during this time my parents have been around. They lived with us for a while after a cross-country move this summer and now they are a couple of miles away and available. One day this week I went in to panic and cancelled school in the morning and told my dad I was behind and a little freaked out. (He knows. I am my father's daughter, though lately, he seems pretty relaxed.) They stepped in, my dad taking Ben to meet Kasey Kahne (NASCAR), and my mom taking the girls out on their bikes and playing with them for most of the day. I am incredibly grateful.

But I have been entirely fearful that I was doing mortal damage to my poor sweet precious amazing children because I am doing this job (and I don't turn off easily).

So tonight we read together and then I broached the subject.

I started off with a heartfelt apology about doing so much work to which Ben replied, "But Mom it is good for us kids to have time to just play Legos and be on the computer."  And Kyrie said she really appreciated that she has been able to ride her bike in the driveway so much lately.

There were so many great comments and they were quite honest. Everleigh and Kyrie both told me they just wanted me to be here and "not go away for more than a day" which cuts because I'm leaving next week for four. But they assured me it would be ok "this time" if they can call me. Just "don't do it a lot."

I know that children need their parents love so much that sometimes they will hold back. But what I saw beyond their comments was a truth about them. They are team players. Each of them has started to pitch in and help in new ways. Ben, especially, has grown so much more helpful around the house. He also has stepped up to the plate to help with his sisters. He is an awesome preschool teacher and he helps Kyrie with her math.

I am still looking forward to going to the park with them without my phone, and to staying for the potluck after their art class, and going on a weekend trip with them next month. And they are too. But tonight was a good reminder of something I already knew. Talk to your kids before you make assumptions. Because they don't seem to think they have been suffering all that much. Whew.