Florida

This post is dedicated to my grandparents who married on this day many years ago; my grandpa and my grandma both have been instrumental in helping me learn how to use my gifts. My grandpa died on this day 7 years ago and my grandma is missing him as are so many of us today.

Last week I had the chance to accompany Mike to a conference put on by one of the two nonprofits I contract with. They paid for my airfare and Mike's mom drove over to stay with the kids. I had some responsibilities that were relatively simple helping out with the exhibit tables during set-up and then serving as a judge for the table displays, a position which involves cash awards. I had a conference call going in to it and read an email but apparently none of us read it very well. (I'm not sure two of us had seen the email before we started judging.) After a rather grueling judging experience, the four of us reached a decision and I took our decision back to the organizers. And was told we had done it wrong.

I felt horrible, the organizer who sent out the instructions to the groups competing felt terrible, and the timing was tricky. We were all busy, and one of the judges, was a board member who writes the checks for the awards because he really cares. To say he was a little intimidating was well, putting it mildly. In the moment it was decided that our decision would stand and we would make the presentation the next day at lunch.

I went back to my room. I was frustrated and couldn't figure out why. The obvious reason was that people wouldn't be happy and we would make the organizer look bad and that felt horrible. But underlying was a frustration of not feeling in charge. I missed those days when I ran the graduation, the new student orientation, the campus visits from start to finish and I knew the details and had the authority to make the decision and fix the problem. I didn't feel that here. I wasn't sure that any input from me would be received favorably. But I knew what the right thing to do was. The right thing was to fix it. I tried to sleep for two hours before I got up and decided to go all out. I felt a little Queen Estherish hoping the scepter would be put forth and the board member or my boss wouldn't throw me out on my....

I wrote an email explaining what the contenders had been told; I reattached the email that we had not read in detail before we commenced judging. I took responsibility for my part in overlooking the details. I left the decision in his hands. I went to bed. I still felt bad. It wasn't the great relief I hoped for. But I did know I had been true to this part of me that for better or worse is innate to me.

The story has a happy ending. The board member said to me "What can we do?" the next day. I pointed out that we had ignored everything we had said in advance even down to the planned announcement of the winner a day earlier than the schedule said. We had an extra day and we could re-judge. I managed to get all four judges together, explain the situation, and find consensus. Then I felt a huge sense of relief that we had done the right thing and the board member (as far as I know) hadn't instructed my boss to never give me another task ever again. I came to the announcement and held my head high because as far as the contenders knew we had done a good job.

But what if it hadn't? That was the battle I won for myself. Because even in a new gentler, role that feels really insignificant most of the time, I can seek to be excellent. I can use the gifts God gave me and try to do things right. Because the real question now is how can I guide my children to use their gifts?' And how to apply them in new and imperfect circumstances? That is my new real work.