I lived much of my life hoping I would get to be a stay-at-home mom. And I love it, I really do. I also love that I get to miss all of those icky work politics that made my working life hard in the years I was in the full-time work force.
So it was with some surprise that I realized recently how much it matters to me to have some outside work in my life. And it really clicked home when we had friends over this weekend and I started talking about a travel/event job I did last week. As I talked, I realized how little this person probably cared and how I really needed to shut up. But that the four hours I spent last week planning a meeting in Chicago and then booking flights for four people to get to the meeting was so personally fulfilling to me that I needed to share.
My husband gets that. For which I'm grateful. I'm also thankful he shares some of his work life with me as those conversations do a lot to make me feel like I matter.
Don't get me wrong. I know that women who are "just wives and mothers" matter just as much and that the work they do has immense value. It is just that there are things that make me tick and when I have a little outside work in my life, I function better as a parent, as a housekeeper, as the primary cook and dishwasher around here.
I remember in my early 30s having a couple of friends tell me that all I talked about was my job. And I had to learn to work very hard not to bring up what I was doing in the workplace in my social conversations. I'm actually really thankful for their confrontation and the effort I put into it because without having worked hard to learn to exclude those things I would have had more trouble after I left the work force trying to find anything to talk about. But looking back on that conversation was helpful in realizing that some of us are gifted in particular ways and not using those gifts makes us feel less ourselves.
Realizing this about myself has helped me justify the piddly amount of money I make booking and writing about travel. I'm personally blessed to be in a situation where we can live without me bringing in income. I'm so grateful for that and I'm also grateful for the internet and modern life that allows me to do the little I do from home while being with my children. I really do have it all.
But I think I finally understand why my grandfather questioned me when I said (when I was 17) that all I wanted out of life was to me a wife and mother. "Really? That's all you want?" I remember him asking incredulously. And, "oh, yes," I was sure. I thought he was in some way looking down on those people content to just manage their families. In retrospect, I think the conversation was about me. And I think it was already apparent to him that I was probably going to need just a little bit more. Even if it took me a little longer to figure it out.
4 comments:
I have always want the same thing. And STILL want the same thing. However, I, like you, have discovered that I need an outlet. Hence the book blog. It works for me. It gives me a chance to read, think and talk about things I care about with others. Suits my purposes and serves me well.
Now if I could just figure out how to handle it well with three kids in tow...
I don't know if I've said it before, but you are an inspiration to me. Sometimes when I look around it seems like all the women I know are stay at home moms that live their days as just moms, wives and housekeepers. While that alone is a full-time job I sometimes despair that I am one of a few who juggle more... But you do this too and with more kids than I have at present. You inspire me to hang in there because I too need an outlet.
Thank you!
I struggle with this a lot more than I thought I would. I think a lot of is that I became a mom pretty young without having a chance to figure out what I was really good at. I spend two years a little depressed because I felt lost.
I'm so much happier finding that outlet now, even if I feel a bit alone in that. Thanks for this.
Hey, I totally cared when you were telling me about it! I couldn't believe you had to coordinate all those people's schedules--and you did it successfully. :)
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