June 16

Today is the anniversary of the death of my cousin Shannon, who was murdered fourteen years ago.

I don't always write about it. I talk about it with a few very close friends and select family members. Mike has known to expect me to be melancholy at this time for the last 8 years. I have sometimes felt that talking about it takes something away from those closest to her, who have suffered the greatest pain: her mom and dad (my aunt and uncle) and her sister (my cousin, Hilary). But Shannon touched a lot of people with her life and even more with her death. This has touched many of us in many ways. I don't pretend to understand the depth of their pain but it doesn't negate all I've experienced through this.

But two nights ago I watched a DVD of our aunt talking on a tv program about the relationship she has established with my cousin's killer. (I can't find anything on the internet to link to or I would.) I was struck by how my aunt Carolyn has allowed God to move in her and teach her things through this experience. She said "yes" to the Holy Spirit when she felt compelled to go visit my cousin's murderer in prison. And she understands that this is her particular calling. If God couldn't make it any more clear, her husband's job took her 20 minutes from where A (initials will do) was incarcerated. She has gone through the process of forgiving him.

Several things struck me as I watched: 1) The grief that overwhelmed me when a picture of him with my aunt was shown. 2) The distinct feeling that someday in heaven, Shannon will be pleased. That heaven will erase all the pain, that the eternal will swallow up the pain. 3) The continued certainty that God did not CAUSE this. He does not cause sin. But He does redeem it. He does use it. He is ready to make good of any situation that we will allow Him to use. I would never wish this on a family. It has affected us in so many ways. There are conflicts that have arisen because of it. But, for those who allowed it, this has caused a deeper walk with Jesus. It has spawned numerous ministry opportunities for Shannon's mom and dad to reach out to those who are suffering from similar trauma. And now my aunt Carolyn has grown and learned so much. Most of us have had our faith confronted and found ourselves more certain than before.

Today is a melancholy day. But it is a day that forces me to think beyond this life. I am still struck by the fact that Shannon sent me an Easter card the year she died. She never had before and this time, she sent this card, not about bunnies and eggs, but with a picture of an empty tomb on it. She believed. And so do I.

Read more here.