I'm quickly becoming a fan of the new show Parenthood. Besides having a fabulous cast and a great script, I can relate to much of it.
Last night we were catching up on last week's episode online. The stay-at-home mom Christina had a chance to go work on a friend's campaign for a few days and get a taste of her former, pre-kid life in the political world. She comes home having been offered a full-time job and having the joy of having found her niche again in the adult world. Her wonderful husband is supportive and agrees she should take the job (if she wants it) and then starts to begin a list of things they will need someone to find help with. And Monica Potter (as Christina) just nails it. Immediately her face clouds up as she realizes what she'll miss if she takes the job and the day-to-day that will slip away. She quickly changes her mind and says, "Not now. The kids need me now...." It was rather bold for the post-feminist world.
And suddenly, I'm crying. I went to bed trying to figure out why.
And then today happened. Today started at 1:20am when Everleigh woke up for a feeding. And again, at 5:30am. (The 5ish feeding is normal; the earlier feeding is a rarity these days.) And the day continued with me attempting to get something, anything done on the moving process and instead accomplishing a load of laundry, much feeding, holding, and diapering, making part of lunch (Mike helped) and then dinner and feeling stuck in an endless cycle of things that never are DONE. I was becoming more and more frustrated as Mike packed 10 boxes, and the day slipped away.
I identify with "Christina." I feel invisible half the time, doing the same things over and over and never perfectly at that. I feel unappreciated for no good reason and I feel selfish when I pine for a bit of recognition, for the satisfaction of closing my office door on a clean desk and heading home. And yet, at the end of the day, if you gave me a choice between an Employee of the Year plaque and an organized desk or a slightly chaotic home with the same monotonous routine, I'll take the latter. There is nothing so important as being the mother to these three precious people and I actually really do love Mike enough to do his laundry over and over, day after day.
Today was a hard day. I thought I wanted to escape more than once. But now I know why I cried with Monica Potter last night. If you gave me the choice, I would still stay here, doing what I'm doing now. I don't do it perfectly, but this job is mine.
7 comments:
I'm proud of you, honey! You won't regret it!
Mom
I sure miss your organizational skills as I close my door to my messy office. You have such an important job right now and you need to keep reminding yourself just how great a job you are doing. There is no more important job in the world than being a mother. You mom is right: you won't regret it. Judy
Lately I've felt closed in by the monotony of mothering. So thanks for feeling that, too! And thanks for this post.
-- SJ
Right there with you. :-) I love reading your blog, btw. Hugs to you!
Beautifully said. This job is the hardest, most tiring, most mind-numbing job I've ever had, and also the most rewarding.
Thanks for having the courage to write this post! I felt like I was reading my own blog (except I wouldn't have been able to write it as eloquently as you did.) I want to show this to Chad and say, "This is why I was bawling my eyes out the other night." I'll be praying that God will give you peace and joy during this stressful time. Thanks for being an encouragement to me!
totally agree although it took me till the teen years to figure out that part of being a mom is NOT being appreciated, taken for granted, and yet, I STILL love this job! How crazy is that?? Yet the memories and the brief moments are so quick and fleeting....priceless! Still so grateful to have this job :)
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