I've noticed the last couple of years that it is physically hard to go through Holy Week. It is not just that we go to church more often; it is that there is something to the events of the week that are spiritually exhausting.
Heather shared that she didn't want to go to her husband's funeral. She had a lot of anxiety and the 23rd Psalm kept running through her head. She realized when she would get to ...though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death... that she was thinking in her mind, "I don't want to go through the valley of death." That was so real to me.
It makes little sense to me that I would dread this week when I know that Easter is just over a week away. But before I get to Easter I will find myself chanting "Crucify Him!" (One of the most significant parts of observing the Passion in a liturgical church.) And then Thursday, Jesus will ask if I could watch and pray with Him a little while and I will be too tired and go to sleep. Friday will be long and then Saturday is hushed, quiet, and gratefully, expectant.
I wonder if this is what God knows when we watch a loved one die. That Easter is right around the corner. That it is all so temporary. And yet, God Incarnate, blessedly wept minutes before raising Lazarus from the dead. He knows that death is hard. Even with hope.
And so this is the time when Lent is starting to feel heavy. Tonight I faced my hardest battle with my Lenten commitment of not eating sugar. I feel the weighty significance of the coming week.
Yes, Easter is just over a week away. But first, there is Death.
1 comment:
i understand your trepidation for this week. this past friday was such a challenging day, and i in such a bad mood, apparently, that i could hardly stand the idea of going home not having a glass of wine with dinner to calm myself. i didn't. but it was hard not to.
be of good strength this week. we know what's on the other side.
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