Yesterday's blog was interrupted by an unexpected visit from a faraway friend. And actually brought to mind how many visitors we've had in our home during this Lenten season.
Last night in the few moments between hitting the pillow and going to sleep I realized that I've felt conviction for a long time that I need to do better at having people in my home. And at working on relationships.
I love my friends but people make me tired. Really tired. Mike is one of the few people that I can be with and not feel totally exhausted after a few hours. And I've used that and mommyhood as an excuse for a long time. And it is partly true.
But the sad news that I've been squaring off with lately is that I have a nasty streak of pride that makes me want to keep people away from me when I'm not perfect.
And I'm not. There's cobwebs on the ceiling, the carpet is stained, and my closet looks like a cyclone hit. I yell at my children too often because I'm tired of interrupting what I'm doing. And I'm overweight. And I hate that. I hate that I lack the self-discipline to just slither back into my pre-motherhood size.
So I've pushed people out a little bit. So they don't see my flaws up close and personal. And I know that I don't go to someone's house and look for their flaws. So why do I do that to myself?
This Lent I had told myself I would have someone to the house at least once a week. And interestingly, I haven't had to do anything but say "yes" to the string of company that has come into town or wanted to fellowship with us. I still have a list of people I want to invite over and it will take us well past Lent.
I do hope that now I've wrestled this demon out into the open I won't try to close myself off again. I'm still wrestling. But I know relationships are too important to let my imperfections get in the way.
5 comments:
Does this mean I can host another poker night?
Yes, my love.
Way to push that envelope, Mike!
what a way to make me smile you two.
I too cut myself off from others because my house isn't perfect, I am overweight, yada, yada. Now I have coffee with 2 neighbors once a month and that helps. Also, my friend Kathy, who had a stroke, would say to us: get over it and get on with life while you can.
Judy
wow, this one hits home! i've been having the same convictions (and i don't even have motherhood as an excuse!). i remember how often my parents used to entertain, just informally but it was so much fun. and i've always wanted to be like that, and i think i used to be, but not recently. my teaching schedule precludes much cleaning, etc. judy's advice is excellent, and i'm taking it to heart, too. thanks for this post.
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