Post Partum

My amazing friend Connie was in my wedding when her newborn was 3 weeks old. She and her husband Dave flew out to Oregon from Chicago and participated. My matron-of-honor Carlene had a 3-month old and managed to play the matron-of-honor role without a hitch, and she made all the bouquets. It's a wonder I have friends.

I had no idea what I was asking these women when I asked them to participate in my wedding. Nor did I have any idea what I was getting in to when my firstborn was born. I started working from home when he was two days old. I am not sure I've ever recovered from his birth.

When Kyri was born, I did a little better. But I still thought I had to say "yes" to people, I still was in church that first Sunday, I took too many calls, had too many visitors too fast, and tried to do too much.

This time around, I'm doing it right. And I'm still a little nuts.

I feel for the people around me when I stress over the groceries that came back different than I expected (Why did you get THAT kind?) and when I obsess over a little dust on a book shelf that suddenly looks a good quarter inch thick. I "rest" thinking of all the things I need to get done, and I feel rejected when yet another daughter would prefer something other than breastfeeding.

The good thing about the third time around is that we're breaking a few rules. She doesn't want to nurse. Fine. I'm not going to lose sleep over it; and I'm not going to fight her and risk her jaundice getting worse. Here's a bottle doll. And by the way. Every one is taking a shift with the bottle tonight so I can sleep too.

I still get irrational and I am taking electrolytes and supplements like crazy to try to stay on the up and up. People make me tired and I'm saying "no" to a lot of visitors and have no plans to leave the house this first week. I have lovely emails I want to answer but haven't and sadly, I never called all the people I planned on calling to tell personally of the birth. I haven't visited the basement and I'm letting my mom do the laundry and cleaning and just enjoying this precious little girl, who is the tiniest baby I ever imagined.

She and I had a couple of hours together alone today and we just gazed at each other for a long time. She is alert and interested in the world around her. She loves her daddy's voice and follows him with her eyes everywhere. She has no problem with her siblings many kisses and she has finally been convinced that eating is good. (We'll deal with the nursing thing a little later.) These days will be so short.