Maybe Someday I'll Laugh

from the mom

Yesterday was one of those days. Thankfully a good friend talked me down from the ledge just by listening to me expound on my lack of ability to mother a toddler and a preschooler.

My two very-part-time jobs have been a little less "very" lately and yesterday someone called with what they perceived as something that needed to be taken care of immediately. I work pretty hard to be professional and have never before said, "Can this wait until next week?" but I asked. No. It had to be done in the next 10 minutes. So I left my children alone downstairs for 30ish minutes while I completed this immediate task. I had put a CD on and I heard happy regular sounds and didn't worry much.

I was done with work and a friend had called when I walked downstairs to check on everything. There were sesame seeds all over the living room floor, on the couch, and in both of my children's hair. There were large quantities of water on the living room floor and red plastic cups full of water and non-water proof toys. I came unglued. Naptime for all. I vacuumed the carpet three times and there are still sesame seeds everywhere. They wisely both chose to nap for nearly two hours.

I spent those hours reminding myself that I have never liked other toddlers and preschoolers and that as long as I love mine, I don't really have to like this age. (I like other people's children when they get to be about junior high age.) I questioned whether I should homeschool. I committed myself to stopping at two. I wished my husband were available so I could cry on his shoulder and take a long bath.

And then last night when they were both peacefully tucked in bed and I was still riding my caffeine-high from the extra cup of coffee I had yesterday to make it through the day, I wrote it all out in my journal. That helped clarify a few things:

1) Someday I will laugh at this.
2) The GIRL was responsible. Ben is not devious nor is he nearly as creative about finding things in the kitchen. She was the one who learned that the stool in the bathroom could be moved to the kitchen and used to get things beyond her reach. She was the one who planned the operation.
3) As I wrote this in her journal, I felt like a semi-respectable mother who does have a few Sherlock-skills. I am still a wee bit smarter than the two of them. Just more tired.
4) Someday when I'm infirm or have lost my mind, Kyrie will be a great caregiver. And Ben is loving and will support her.

So I'm not a completely bad mother. And the best thing I ever did was get them the absolute best father in the world to compensate for what I lack. And he arrives home soon.