The Joy of a Sibling (Particularly Mine)

from Ben's mom

My little brother passed a major milestone this last week and turned 30. Simultaneously, I am expecting a new little sibling for my own son, which has me reflecting on the joy of siblings. I tell Ben often how blessed he is to get to be a big brother. I don't even want to imagine my life as an only child. Life without Mark would be boring and difficult.

TIME Magazine recently came out with research that said our siblings may influence our personality more than our parents. If that is the case, I made Mark what he is.

Mark is happy when the rest of us are melancholy. (He has his own melancholy streak but knows that there is too much of that in the rest of us and hides it well with us unless the Seahawks lose.) It is a quality I appreciate and if I get depressed he is first on my list to call. He is an eternal optimist; I am looking for the next Great Depression.

Mark lives life recklessly. He tries to be too many places at once and he is overcommitted. I hate getting tired (and I'm always tired) so I am very good at saying "no" to obligations and living life simple. But when my life gets boring, he lets me help manage his.

Mark needs someone to take care of him. This is probably the result of being born with a big sister who thought it her job to take care of him. He tried taking care of things on his own and realized there was no point; I like helping him too much. So he makes me happy by remaining completely dependent on me to book his travel, find him insurance, give him directions when he's late to an appointment and stuck in traffic, and give him unheeded and unsolicited financial advice. I'm also in charge of his foundation (charitable giving) and selling off any extra Super Bowl tickets.

Mark always returns his phone calls. Quickly. I don't. But when he takes more than an hour to return my call, I start to panic. He is good at keeping in touch. And he can have conversations while picking up his dry cleaning, ordering at a drive-thru or careening at high speeds down California highways. I can't walk down the stairs and talk on the phone at the same time.

Mark can handle more friends than anyone I know. Occasionally he can't find their phone numbers and has to check in with me, but he will cover 500 miles to see a friend and go to any expense to be at a wedding. Often I find I have friends just because I'm "Mark's sister." My husband likes to claim he married me to be "Mark's brother-in-law."

Mark is generous to a fault. Occasionally I remind him that he should be more careful with his money and then he takes us all to dinner or flies me across country to attend a wedding I can't afford, and I temporarily get quiet about his finances. I hope he comes into it big, because I can always find good causes to give HIS money to.

I am not really sure when he became the person he is. He was a very different little boy, and he really resented me then. Then one day he was an adult and he didn't mind it when I sampled the food off his plate at a restaurant. (He used to really hate that.) I guess he decided that for better or worse, I was his sibling, and made the most of it. I am most grateful.