Treadmill Viewing

from Ben's mom

I workout better to TV. Well, some TV. Monday night, I went full guns while watching the final 20 minutes of the San Antonio Spurs-Phoenix Suns Game. The club closed with two minutes left on the clock and the guy running the front thought I was so cool for caring about the game, he let me keep treading. Though he nearly kicked me out when he caught on that I was cheering for the Spurs.

Then yesterday, due to a rare-day when MJR had a project best accomplished at home that coincided with Ben's nap, I worked-out to Dr. Phil. I had never watched Dr. Phil before and I was not hopeful. However, I came away with a good workout and a healthy respect for his skills.

Featured were the parents of two incorrigible boys (ages 6 and 8) who fight constantly and are very aggressive. Interestingly they are homeschooled. Dad was horrifically embarrassed that Mom had written a letter to Dr. Phil but was willing to do anything and I think, secretly suspected that Dr. Phil would put the blame on Mom, where Dad has placed it. Dad was suave, together, professional and Mom was harried, overweight, and emotional. Dad wanted to play that difference up. The couple was cold to each other and critical and Dr. Phil keyed on in this. They had tried traditional parenting techniques but it came out that Dad leaves for work at 7am and gets home between 8 and 9pm. It also came up that Mom and Dad don't like each other and basically live in the same house, "emotionally divorced" as Dr. Phil put it. Dr. Phil pointed out to Mom that she "reacts" to the boys often, and often responds a bit too physically (yanking them by the shirt, etc...). Dad was gloating. Then he turned and citing all the research, told Dad that HE was the parent that has the most influence on his boys, on their behavior. He told him that he hoped his job paid well, because if he kept up those hours, he would need to pay for lawyers, psychologists, etc...when his boys started getting in real trouble. He told both parents that their relationship was the key thing the boys were reacting to. They are physically acting out what they see between the two of you: criticism and coldness. Whoa!

And then Dr. Phil professed his admiration for homeschooling and told the audience that homeschooling can really work on every level: educationally, socially, emotionally. And then he turned to Mom and said: "Stop homeschooling." I wanted to cheer. He pointed out the obvious. She was exhausted. She was parenting 18-hours a day and pretty much doing it alone without a break and with little support. He told her she needed time to step back and get fresh perspective to deal more effectively with her children. And, he added, they are seeing only two negative adult role models. They need to see a few healthy adults and they need some outside structure.

I think homeschooling works too but if you have a disease in your home, isn't it a good idea to get out of it and breath some fresh air? All in all, I was impressed with Dr. Phil's gentle but blunt counsel. And I had a great workout.