from Ben's mom
The last week has been one of my more difficult in recent memory. It seems that everything decided to collide at the same time and for the first time in my married life, I found myself very dissatisfied with the life of a homemaker. (I make this confession because it occurred to me of that late that several of my friends have probably wanted to hurl things at me when I talk about how much I love my new life.)
Unfortunately, it gave me a chance to see how selfish I really am. It started in the normal housewife way: the never-ending struggle to figure out what to make for dinner. Suddenly I started missing those business trips with dinners out, and those nights when I was too tired to cook and ate a bowl of cold cereal. My job description now involves having to come up with something not only for me to eat, but for my husband (no tomatoes, no olives, no grapes, etc...) and my son (no dairy, no soy, no eggplant--ok, well that one isn't hard).
It moved on. Suddenly I was resentful of Mike's cool business trips (South Carolina in March and an upcoming conference in D.C. with a possible stop in Albany, New York). I began to reflect on the nice hotels and new rental cars and the hours of relaxation on the plane when all I could do was read and sleep in undisturbed peace. (Will I ever travel that way again?) It climaxed when I went to a garage sale and someone had actually bagged up a ziplock of hotel soaps, shampoos and lotions for $1. I actually sunk to the nadir over HOTEL SOAPS. (We lived off my collection for the entire first year of our marriage never purchasing real soap.)
All the glamour came off the diaper-changing life I lead now. And it wasn't pretty.
In the midst of all this I stopped to think about what week this was. This week in June is always hard. June 11 would have been my cousin Shannon's birthday (we were 9 months apart) and today is the 9th anniversary of her murder. Anyone who has ever lost someone who was too young can relate to those painful anniversaries that plunge you into a depression. I've done this enough to know that but somehow I still think that this year it will fly by without me noticing. And while the loss is less acute every year, it is and probably always will be, a very difficult week for me. And one I should warn my husband about and pray extra hard as I go into it.
So yes, I'm still suffering from a little homemaking burnout and I still want to stay in a hotel with cool soaps and an indoor pool. But I am doing exactly what I want to do: be a wife to the most wonderful man I know and being the mommy of a sweet little boy with music in his heart. And this week should remind me how fleeting time is and how quickly it all can change. So I'm going to treasure it.