from Ben's mom
I have discovered that Christian non-fiction books for women are the top resellers. So I picked up a copy of How to Pray for your Children by Quin Sherrer at the book sale. I spent the last couple of days reading it and decided it was a keeper.
This book not only stresses the importance of praying daily for your children, but it gives helpful prayers. It speaks generally and then has chapters devoted to specific situations including Praying for Wayward Children, Praying for Adopted and Step-children, Praying for Adult and In-Law Children, Praying for Grandchildren, and Praying for Special Needs and Dying Children.
Though much of the emphasis is praying for teenage and young adult children, particularly those that are not following Christ or struggling in their walk, the book offered so many helpful reminders about keeping a prayer journal and letting your young children observe you praying. Several key things stood out to me: the emphasis on releasing your children to God (which deflates your worry among other things), blessing your children and not cursing them (which sometimes involves having vision not based in the present), and forgiving your children for not being the people you wanted them to be.
Working as I have with youth (junior high to college) I have witnessed the saddest situations in Christian families. I have watched parents pushing their children to be things they don't have the skills and/or interests for. I have watched parents holding their kids back from being what they dream of because those dreams are bigger than what their parents can dream or because they secretly don't want their kids to succeed more than they did. Mostly I have watched parents who lecture, impose tight restrictions, withhold blessing, and crush their nearly adult children, expecting to see a change. This book reinforces what I've witnessed. Those things don't work, but prayer does.
The most important thing for me personally was the chapter that dealt with persistence. I struggle immensely with growing weary in well-doing, particularly when I don't see results. And persistence is going to be important. I'm praying that my son will be a man in love with Jesus, whose life will bear witness to his godly heritage, and whose love for people around him will change lives. It is going to be awhile before those things can come to fruition. So persistence is key.
This is an excellent book! And one for parents to keep on their shelves and re-read during difficult seasons.
3 comments:
Your post today (on prayer) kinda goes along with my post today - how prayer, ultimately, will focus our hearts on wanting God's will - it will make our hearts "right." And this definitely applies to our children and our expectations!
Excellent post! I agree - with almost everything you said.
Of course, your little Ben is only 1 right now; so you have a LONG way to go til he's a teenager or young adult. We'll talk then and see if your opinion has changed about imposing rules, lecturing and such. :-) I think it will.
In regards to adult children - in your work with youth, did you ever observe anything from the parental side? Like the fact that many God fearing LOVING parents, patiently attempt to teach and train their children in the way that they know at the time. They make mistakes, but admit them, ask for forgiveness and try to go on. They pray for their child from the womb, and encourage them in their dreams, yet keeping one foot on the ground of reality - only to be walked on, manipulated by, lied to, dishonored and verbally abused by those same children? There are always 2 sides to every situation.
Respectfully, I must say that you are not a parent of a teenager or college student or young adult and therefore do not have firsthand information on this subject (Gee, sounds like an argument directed towards Mr G). One thing you fail to mention in your post is that sometimes the stories you receive from those "crushed" nearly adult children, is not always a truthful or accurate representation. Did you ever do any counselling with both the parents and child present? Very interesting and sometimes diverse perspectives.
Being a parent of children of all different ages, I know that words can wound. I have said my share of them to my older children, but I have gone back and asked for forgiveness from them in regards to what I said. And in good faith, I believed them when they said I was forgiven. However, I have come to discover that those same children have used those experiences (that were supposedly forgiven) as amunition when things didn't go their way, or there was some other legitimate area in their life that needed discipline. As a parent, one must be astute to the manipulation and control that even a CHILD can have on a family. Again, as your Ben (and possibly other children) get older, I think your thinking and "theories" will change.
However - you are MOST assuredly correct in your discussion on the topic of prayer. I, myself, have a wayward child - though they would just explain their views and actions as being "their own" and not sinful in any way. They have always been a rebellious child and a strong willed one. Discipline - no matter if it was the rod or a "good talking to" would not even make a dent in their little conscience. Finally, thank God, finally I have been able to release them to the Lord!!! It has come with a great price and many a tearful, sleepless night. But I have God's assurance - not of my child's pride being humbled - but of God's grace being sufficient for me - as I await to see what the Lord will do in my child's life. I believe good things can come for my child (and other children) IF they choose to follow the Lord and not the ways of the world, justifying them as they go.
Keep reading. And keep praying. Hopefully, one day when Ben is in college, he'll thank you instead of ignore you.
Responding to anonymous:
As Rachelle's mom, I feel that it's important that the writer is aware that a person with experience working with and counseling both youth and their parents may be objective, and have a lot of insight to offer without having had a child in the same position. The God-given gifts of wisdom and discernment aren't limited to parents. Nor are they automatically bestowed on us when we become parents. (Nor is common sense.) Isn't that what keeps us seeking and crying out to our heavenly parent for more wisdom and grace for ourselves, which we hopefully will pass on to our posterity when they are open to receiving it.
I've also found that an "outsider" with these "gifts" can have great objectivity, and usually I can find some new insight to take before my Father and apply. (He uses anyone who is willing to be used, so you wouldn't choose to not listen to someone's counsel just because they weren't parent's, would you? He's even sent messages through donkeys.)
It sounds like a great book, Rachelle, and I appreciated your perspectives. I know you and Mike will continue to be great parents to Ben, even as I know he will continue to challenge and stretch you all through his life. (It's called growing up, maturing, etc.)
And as a comment on the value of a parent who prays: I count on my parent's prayers. I don't want to leave my earthly father without him praying for me! It's a gift as important as his bearhug and kiss.
And I know those prayers have followed me all my life, and he's praying daily for you, Mike, and little Ben, as well as all the rest of the family. What a gift that is!
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